How to Avoid getting
into an Argument!
Whether it be confrontations between
work colleagues, spouses, parents and children, or friends; we have all
witnessed those uncomfortable moments when a seemingly well meant conversation
unknowingly sparks into an argument …, and we all wish we could somehow know
our way around how to never let such
communication breakdowns occur.
There is good news, knowing few
basic skills of expressing ourselves, can indeed lead to safer, closer bonds and
avoid conflicting behaviors.
Let us first get apprised with three fundamental ideas around our basic
tendencies and needs during communication and this shall help us understand better
,why sometimes some dialogues can break
down and turn into arguments.
In any conversation,
*We usually talk because we think whatever we have to say is important
enough to be conveyed.
*It is impossible to not communicate. Communication is the most
fundamental behaviour for social existence and human relationship. Hence we all
communicate, all the time.., though some forms of communication are more harmonious,
easily understood and successful than others.
*Through communication, people
try to fulfil an inherent emotional need of being understood by others, and this
need of being understood is more valued by every person when compared to the
need of being agreed with. If we feel misunderstood we will likely continue the
conversation in an attempt to clarify our intent…
Concentration camp survivor Victor
Frankl had said,
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our
response lies our growth and our freedom.”
Let’s have a look at few ways of how we can build on
this power of choosing our response well while communicating , and do keep in mind the above three underlying principles of
communication that often hold the clue to why sometimes there is a conflict
like situation !
How to avoid arguments and communicate without being
defensive or offensive:
1)Feel
secure in who you Are - Being
secure in yourself is one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself
because you won't need to be validated by anyone else besides yourself. You're
less likely to get defensive or hurt over something critical about yourself, when
you know for sure that it's not true.You shall then have the ability to talk calmly
without feeling like you have to defend yourself every minute.
2)
Listen instead of retaliating: Genuinely listen to all of the points being talked of
and see where they are coming from.
Watch out for any tendency towards strategizing or thinking about your next attack to
defend yourself or offend the other person, because the less you try to protect
your identity, the better you may feel.
3) Think
Long-Term Instead Of Short-Term : Strategize
your thinking so you can see the big picture and focus on long-term goals instead
of trying to win the battle. Being impulsive with your emotions means you're
only thinking about how you feel at the moment. Before arriving at any quick
judgments, take a pause or a deep breath and try to pay close attention to the end-result
of your actions.
4) Learn How To Receive Criticism: Without taking things too personally or getting hurt with
negative thoughts, it’s important to listen and also remember the benefits of getting genuine feedback . You can always turn it around into a positive experience
by picking up the learning and letting the negative feeling go.
5) Its okay to be wrong: There are those instances when you may realize that the other person
just might be correct about what they are saying. Give yourself permission to be wrong, and also give that permission to others. Hopefully you will
not feel the need to defend yourself over and over again, or hurl unfair
accusations at others.
6) Don’t assume : Don’t assume that what you know is obvious to
others. It wasn’t always obvious to you. Give everyone the benefit of doubt.
"As much effort as
we put in wanting others to understand us, so
much if not more should go in us trying to understand others , too
!"
7.) Focus on indicators at the level of
your own “feelings and emotions”. Try to
understand the repeat patterns of your feelings to figure out when and why you
behave argumentative.
Try to uncover the particular
unfulfilled need at emotional level that you try to deal with by getting into
an argument, and this awareness shall help you contemplate better, how you want
your emotions to come across.
A regular reference to
all these points and a conscious incorporating of these into regular
communication can help you keep a watch before any conversation starts taking a
turn towards the conflict mode. Remember, effective communication
with others depends on successful communication within you… In your desire to
be transparent to others, you must first be clear within yourself.
Thankyou for reading my post and I look forward to
your comments !
Feel free to download an
ebook that I have written to help you see the endless possibilities that Life
has to offer , The Ultimate Guide to Living a
life of Endless Possibilities
About the Author :
Namita is an Internationally Certified Success
Coach, Career Stategist and Life Coach with ICF credentials .(International
Coach Federation). She is also a Corporate Trainer, Writer and Speaker on a
mission to help everyone unlock their infinite potential and build an
extraordinary purposeful life.Her detailed professional profile can be viewed
at https://in.linkedin.com/in/namita-sinha-success-coach-a0526749
No comments:
Post a Comment