Saturday, 11 November 2017

How to Avoid getting into an Argument!

How to Avoid getting into an Argument!

Whether it be confrontations between work colleagues, spouses, parents and children, or friends; we have all witnessed those uncomfortable moments when a seemingly well meant conversation unknowingly sparks into an argument …, and we all wish we could somehow know our  way around how to never let such communication breakdowns occur.
There is good news, knowing few basic skills of expressing ourselves, can indeed lead to safer, closer bonds and avoid conflicting behaviors.
Let us first get  apprised  with three fundamental ideas around our basic tendencies and needs during communication and this shall help us understand better ,why sometimes  some dialogues can break down and turn into arguments.
In any conversation,
*We usually talk because we think whatever we have to say is important enough to be conveyed.
*It is impossible to not communicate. Communication is the most fundamental behaviour for social existence and human relationship. Hence we all communicate, all the time.., though some forms of communication are more harmonious, easily understood and successful than others.
*Through communication, people try to fulfil an inherent emotional need of being understood by others, and this need of being understood is more valued by every person when compared to the need of being agreed with. If we feel misunderstood we will likely continue the conversation in an attempt to clarify our intent…

Concentration camp survivor Victor Frankl had said,
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
Let’s have a look at few ways of how we can build on this power of choosing our response well while communicating , and do keep in  mind the above three underlying principles of communication that often hold the clue to why sometimes there is a conflict like situation !
How to avoid arguments and communicate without being defensive or offensive:
1)Feel secure in who you Are - Being secure in yourself is one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself because you won't need to be validated by anyone else besides yourself. You're less likely to get defensive or hurt over something critical about yourself, when you know for sure that it's not true.You shall then have the ability to talk calmly without feeling like you have to defend yourself every minute.
2) Listen instead of retaliating: Genuinely listen to all of the points being talked of and see where they are coming from. 
Watch out for any tendency towards strategizing or thinking about your next attack to defend yourself or offend the other person, because the less you try to protect your identity, the better you may feel.
3) Think Long-Term Instead Of Short-Term : Strategize your thinking so you can see the big picture and focus on long-term goals instead of trying to win the battle. Being impulsive with your emotions means you're only thinking about how you feel at the moment. Before arriving at any quick judgments, take a pause or a deep breath and try to pay close attention to the end-result of your actions.  

4) Learn How To Receive Criticism: Without taking things too personally or getting hurt with negative thoughts, it’s important to listen and also remember the benefits of getting genuine feedback . You can always turn it around into a positive experience by picking up the learning and letting the negative feeling go.

5) Its okay to be wrong: There are those instances when you may realize that the other person just might be correct about what they are saying. Give yourself permission to be wrong, and also give that permission to others. Hopefully you will not feel the need to defend yourself over and over again, or hurl unfair accusations at others.

6) Don’t assume  : Don’t assume that what you know is obvious to others. It wasn’t always obvious to you. Give everyone the benefit of doubt.  
"As  much  effort  as  we  put  in  wanting  others to understand us, so  much if not more should go in us trying to  understand others , too !" 

7.) Focus on indicators at the level of your own “feelings and emotions”. Try to understand the repeat patterns of your feelings to figure out when and why you behave argumentative.

Try to uncover the particular unfulfilled need at emotional level that you try to deal with by getting into an argument, and this awareness shall help you contemplate better, how you want your emotions to come across.

A regular reference to all these points and a conscious incorporating of these into regular communication can help you keep a watch before any conversation starts taking a turn towards the conflict mode. Remember, effective communication with others depends on successful communication within you… In your desire to be transparent to others, you must first be clear within yourself.

Thankyou for reading my post and I look forward to your comments !
Feel free to download an ebook that I have written to help you see the endless possibilities that Life has to offer , The Ultimate Guide to Living a life of Endless Possibilities
About the Author :
Namita is an Internationally Certified Success Coach, Career Stategist and Life Coach with ICF credentials .(International Coach Federation). She is also a Corporate Trainer, Writer and Speaker on a mission to help everyone unlock their infinite potential and build an extraordinary purposeful life.Her detailed professional profile can be viewed at

Thursday, 12 October 2017

Is Your Work Your Worth !

We recently acknowledged the World Mental Health Day, and the theme this year set by the World Federation for Mental Health is mental health in the workplace.
A huge number of the working population today puts on a smiling mask to hide their pain as they head to work each day...
Is this truly the kind of life that we dream for ourselves or for our children who are constantly reminded to brace themselves for the grind ahead.. ?
Needless to say, there exists the need for much greater awareness and sensitivity around this; it’s imperative to acknowledge and deal with the problem head on, and prevent any stress like situation to arise. However the big picture draws our attention to the grim side - that of a recurring pattern of discontent and stress that is leading to mental health problems, depression and related diseases.
Are we then becoming the slaves of this situation and letting our job related struggles become our identity through our entire life?
Many consider work related stress as a norm and a natural byproduct of an ambitious life, they choose to bury the issues or resort to temporary quick fixes not realizing that our subconscious mind that operates 90-95% of our behaviors ,rarely forgets !
As we are becoming increasingly aware of an epidemic like situation, we better pause for a moment and question ourselves - what are the real reasons within us or in our environment that is leading to all the struggle and pain; and what’s the impact on our lives in the long term…
As a Success Coach , I am approached more often by clients who wish to seek support in meeting their career goals .., however through the coaching process, it never begins or ends there.., it’s always more about self discovery, awareness and empowerment towards finding one’s unique purpose and unique solutions !
As responsible human beings, it’s our onus to discover the root cause of every challenge and paint the canvas of our life with the colors that make it most beautiful...
I remember one of my clients - a well to do entrepreneur, proud of her transition journey from full time job of 15 years to having set up her flourishing boutique for some years now, and a settled married life with two kids, - seemingly happy! She approached me to help her take better control of her business and take it to new heights. As we began our conversation, she discovered that at the core, she was not completely in charge. Her procrastination, lack of enthusiasm and fears in accepting new assignments were troubling her, slowly spilling on to her personal and family life as well .Through few coaching sessions- now comfortable and willing to narrate her own story in a safe and trusting space, she came face to face with her sadness – all coming from those last years of her job where she had witnessed dwindling performance, lack of recognition and trust from her seniors in giving her independent assignments - from there she had unconsciously planted seeds of believing herself as ‘not being good enough “ for taking up anything big - be it in her personal or professional life. It took us sometime, to help her figure out further, but once cleaned of the blocks and fears, it turned out to be extremely liberating, setting her free with new wings!
The big realization here was that her entire identity up until that point in her life had been formed around that particular negative experience at work, and this may happen with many who lose jobs, suffer layoffs or unmet expectations from careers ..
When your work defines you and becomes your identity, everything that happens at work seems personal..
Many people have either defined themselves—or been defined by others—from day one, thanks to the strong messages that society keeps broadcasting ever since we are children”, that the title on your business card is directly connected to your worth as a human being,” and further reinforces it regularly with unfair feelings of envy and comparison ..
Reminds me of my own post I had written a year back in the context of children and how early we start asking them about what they wish to become when they grow up,
By defining yourself by what you do and the success you have achieved at your job, rather than by who you are, you can put yourself in emotional jeopardy. You lose touch with your faculties, gifts and higher powers, - and coping with life transitions, such as job loss or downfall in business, can become even more difficult.
Our work and our careers no doubt form an important component in our life. We all feel happiest when we realise to the best- our potential to create and to use our gifts; and beyond just working to pay bills, we often feel more fulfilled when we are doing the type of work we love.
But if you have few interests outside of work; you feel restless when you're not working; you can't carry on a conversation without referring to something at work; you make yourself available to people at work round the clock; and when you're at home with family, your mind is back at work – then you've allowed yourself to be defined too much by your job.
If that describes you, then keep in mind the intangible price that you may end up paying for the success you are chasing without first establishing the awareness and clarity of what you as an individual stand for, and the story that you keep telling to yourself and to the world!
Some people live their entire lives this way, without ever feeling the desire or a reason to change. But we all have the power to choose, to make good a chance to start creating a version of our best life.
Our self-identity is more about our potential, our values and qualities as a human being, and who we are as individuals. What we do for work is a piece of our lives..
We all need to have a solid identity apart from our job title. We need to redefine our sense of achievement and accomplishment- and to truly live a life – a life which has a meaningful purpose that excites us to get out of bed every morning, looking forward to activities and pursuits that are as important as work. This essentially means a healthy work-life, where we are not emotionally tied to work ,every second of our existence.
It is imperative that we start looking at developing strong and healthy emotional connections with people outside of work that can help provide meaning in life, and provide the support if and when we have a sudden career change or challenges at work.
Where there is sadness, heal it. Set yourself free...
I invite each of you to study your life, go through the process of understanding and defining who you are, not just what you do... This self-examination alone, will give you the strength to survive the ups and downs of a career and work -life...!
And it all begins with the process of self-discovery. This may call for outside support and consulting  a coach or a professional who has the training to help you unpack…, in the most trusted and non judgmental space, ..
Whatever it may take, don’t wait for a jolt before you ask yourself the crucial question, “Why are you here. . .” towards finding your authentic self.
It’s never too late to be who you were meant to Be! - George Eliot

About the Author :
Namita is an Internationally Certified Success Coach, Career Stategist and Life Coach with ICF credentials .(International Coach Federation). She is also a Corporate Trainer, Writer and Speaker on a mission to help everyone unlock their infinite potential and build an extraordinary purposeful life.Her detailed professional profile can be viewed at Coaching and Training requests can also be routed through; ; ;

Saturday, 16 September 2017

“The struggle is yours as much as the accolade !”- - A post with a short poem to inspire your brilliance !

The struggle is yours as much as the accolade !”

As I write this one, it’s more of a stop by for me, an urge to remind and be reminded myself,  once more in the midst of all the happenings, that while we keep on addressing umpteen ways of mastering new  skills to keep inching towards  success - be it at personal, professional or organisational level  -  the single most crucial aspect that really signifies getting on the accelerator and putting things into motion - " is in fact our ability to bounce back when things don't go our way, the ability to see the positive side and shift our focus to the next relevant task, the ability to feel gratitude for what we have and use our resources  to prepare for the next climb , the ability to see opportunities and possibilities even when there is  seeming dullness and darkness.., the ability to let go and know that still better lies ahead , the ability to know our own strengths and interests, and play from this position of maximizing our potential towards meaningful goals...

Resilience, then, very often defined as the "ability to bounce back after encountering difficulty," is the single key factor that sets the achievers apart from the rest.

Life presents hardships to everyone. What differentiates one from the other is how we respond. Not a single person who has made it to the top has had it rosy all the time, it has always been their ability to recover from adversities and persist on their path which has made all the difference. Some view difficult situations and setbacks as permanent and pervasive, and might then give up, while others see them as temporary and specific and as opportunities to learn and grow. Change and unexpected happenings too, are meant to occur in everyone’s life,  however they have in them seeds of immense possibilities…which needs to be unraveled.

How then do we pick up on this never-say-die attitude!

Building on one’s self awareness , emotional intelligence ,  developing a growth mindset and above all knowing one’s strengths, motivations and maximizing on potentials are all crucial touch points to help build on this skill.

“Know Your Why “- The bedrock is always about clarity - become clear and very precise about what you want , revisit your goals often to remind yourself where you’re going, and why ! At times of self doubt and despair, question yourself why did you come this far at the first place and what’s the point in giving up now?
- If you’ve gathered images of your goal, look at them often, just to remind you what you’re aiming for . Focus on that vision and feel the energy - continually reinforce your motivation.
-At the same time, become familiar - with the other side - what’s the little annoying thing or a bigger frustration that might see you throwing up your hands! Knowing your triggers, recognising the signs  of when do you start feeling  disappointment, and knowing exactly what fears and hold-backs may cause you  to get stuck…and then overcoming them, are all steps  towards helping you maintain your momentum even during tough times.

Sometimes one may need to reach outside of oneself to pull the best out. Support from

trusting friends, mentors and life coaches can help one see the big picture and identify 

areas which may have hitherto been kind of blind spots..

Whatever it takes, it is extremely important to keep our mind sharp and positive, and 

consistently display courage in the midst of uncertainty - to get back to doing what we 

have been doing, and keep moving ahead - the only strategy for living our best life.

Tough times may mean changing gears or applying brakes- but that should only be to further pick up speed as the journey goes on…
Make a new beginning today brimming with optimism, start writing your dreams in full detail, and be excited about what is yet to come..
Do visit the poetic lines in this post which serve as a reminder that “Life is beautiful and we better learn to get back up, every time we fall!”

The struggle is ours as much as the accolade !!
Thankyou for reading my post and I look forward to your comments !
Feel free to download an ebook that I have written to help you see the endless possibilities that Life has to offer , The Ultimate Guide to Living a life of Endless Possibilities
About the Author :
Namita is an Internationally Certified Success Coach, Career Stategist and Life Coach with ICF credentials .(International Coach Federation). She is also a Corporate Trainer,  Writer and Speaker on a mission to help everyone unlock their infinite potential and build an extraordinary purposeful life.Her detailed professional profile can be viewed at
Coaching and Training requests can also be routed through; ; ;

Monday, 17 July 2017

#Daily wisdom ...The fixation for an easy life , shall make it tough to survive !

The VUCA world and the erratic times demand us to be more and more in self love and in perfect sync with our larger purpose and vision. Its not about working out a stop gap arrangement for a specific situation, we need to develop the ability to see the endless possibilities, throughout our journey !

The fixation for an easy life , shall make it tough to survive !
Train your mind to see the Good in every situation !

- Namita Sinha | Success Coach

Tuesday, 4 July 2017

Are we obsessed with being First Time Right !

The other day, I was in a discussion with  the Regional Sales Head ,
Branch Banking , of a leading Indian Bank , we were engaged in a serious chat  , trying to design a training and coaching initiative , which could possibly help the Sales Teams tame this bug which was  popularly being termed as 100%  FTR  (First Time Right ), or in simple language achieving  zero errors, the very first time ,while logging in complete and correctly filled application forms from customers for all products , be it for Bank Account Opening , Credit Cards, etc.

Closer to mid year review, the time for the final reckoning for all the sales teams was approaching.. Graphs and pie charts of all shapes, shades and hues to pin the contenders as per their performance were ruling the slide show , that he was simultaneously perusing on his laptop screen. He began sharing with me ,data pertaining to this new bug which was hovering here and there in everyone’s report card and though not even remotely connected to actual sales figures, had in fact turned out to be the game changer in deciding the final winner – I could understand the cause of his panic, the figures were pretty dismal .. And as per their findings, the process of extracting relevant data from the forms by the operations team who finally generated functional accounts , was turning out to be increasingly tedious and overtly delayed, largely traced to  incomplete and incorrectly filled forms  that were sourced by the sales teams, not only costing time lags and increased costs ,but increasing cases of customer dissatisfaction too !
And hence the weight of this KRA in tracking the performance of Sales  Managers was all too high now !

This in spite the fact that the application forms are being sourced and reviewed by Sales Officers and Managers  who are very often graduates and post graduates in their respective discipline and there’s nothing seemingly complicated in the task of submitting error free forms.  A symptom being witnessed not only in Banking but in certain other sectors of the service industry, too, I bet !

And so the cycle of figuring the gaps, facilitating training programmes, deploying additional resources, strengthening processes and check points and of course tasking the supervisors with penalties and threats , as also rewards on achieving 100% FTR continues…

While this shall be addressed and eventually effective processes rolled out …, my mind wanders to the root cause and the question of our obsession with FTR in not one but in so many areas of our lives , and what could possibly  be the reason behind ultimately not achieving it as desired and as cited in the above case !

Yes, technically terms like FTR or getting it right the first time, signify  error free processes and products and speak volumes of efficiency and effectiveness in any business and are an essential pre-requisite for great customer experience ! No question of any bargains there at all…the benchmark of quality is getting it right the first time !

However isn’t  it also time to reflect whether being Right the First time has been kind of over rated when it comes to all other aspects of our existence, and is it time we  allow  some room for making mistakes and errors too,  and improving at a reasonable pace..? 

I am prompted to straight go down to our childhood days- the infatuation with FTR looms large from very early years ..
No infant possibly stands up and starts walking one fine day without being preceded by stages of falling and getting hurt and crying and calling for some attention from his caregivers, but here too, if there could possibly have been a case of getting it right the first time, I can say without a doubt, that such a child would prove to be a favourite of his parents !

Does it mean  that we  as a  culture have collectively moved away from  encouraging mistakes and gradual improvement by doing and experiencing ,which could have ultimately led to better understanding and more effective results ?

Going back again to our schooling and growing up years, we have always noticed heaps of appreciation being doled out to the quick learners who seem to be naturals and born with their gifts - be it mastering the art of cycling at the very first  stroke on the pedal or doing quick math or humming the perfect tune of the classical raga or  staying afloat at the very first dip in the swimming pool or making the perfect rounded chapati at the first try, etc..

We  have all  witnessed at least sometime, these naturally  gifteds and the First Time Rights  in every field who  managed to garner applause and adulation  from all and sundry! And being early bloomers further keeps adding to their advantage in many ways , helping them build more self confidence and ultimately the  accumulative advantage spilling over to all other areas in life. The winner has it all, as they say !

But the fact remains, that  some of them if not all, eventually lose out in learning to also excel or pickup skills in areas where they are not naturals.. 
They may never get to realize the due that persistent efforts and an eye for details - needs to be given ; or what we term -  developing  the growth mindset-  is what they end up lacking!  

And now what about those who can do extremely well not at the first stroke but with repeated efforts and by following the process of doing and experiencing and learning…

They too stand to win laurels but not so readily , isn’t it ? The impatience with a prolonged learning time being taken by  some students, many a time prods parents and educators to almost give up on them halfway as incapable and this leaves them with a feeling of being a loser , harboring low self esteem, and almost terror struck with the fear of making mistakes !

They rarely  manage to win the attention and appreciation of their mentors easily, and most often have to stand up for themselves.. , but those who ultimately do –  prove to be the ones who look at processes from close quarters and having done things first hand , stand to understand better and deliver more effectively when it comes to on-the-job situations like the ones discussed in the Sales team’s FTR numbers  cited above.

So what is it so attractive about doing things right the very first time and why are we so obsessed with raising generations after generations driven by  fixed mindset and scared of failing even once..

In fact there tend to be  these three Biggest Blocks or …Myths…bounding our existence, that I am repeatedly reminded of these days and that I get to see deeply ingrained in so many.. ,

• Mistakes are bad.• There is only one right answer.• We are being judged for everything we do

We forget that making  mistakes is not anti but pro learning – and 

that mistakes  are very often the starting point of unlimited 

creativity, and need to be taken in the right spirit !

But  the unending craze in youngsters’ and educators’ minds to always have it FTR with their talents and gifts..rather than directing efforts towards gradual and continuous improvement is what leads to this stage when post graduate degrees too fail in helping them getting ATR , or Anytime Right , the basics -  case in mind - checking correctness of application  forms !

Students and children  want easy answers and teachers and mentors want techniques that work right the first time; and both share the fear of failure. Zero defects has become a way of thinking and doing, that reinforces the notion that errors are not acceptable. The idea here is that with this philosophy, one can increase happiness by eliminating the frustration of failure .
Think about it…

I go by the other route though ,as summarised by what Tim Harford once quoted :

Thankyou for reading my post and I look forward to your comments.
About the Author :

Namita is an Internationally Certified Success Coach, Career Counselor and Life Coach with ICF credentials .(International Coach Federation). She is also a Behavioural Trainer, Sales Trainer, Writer and Speaker on a mission to help everyone unlock their infinite potential and build an extraordinary purposeful life.

Tuesday, 18 April 2017

Communication Wisdom ..............Tip 1#

"Communication is real time. Don't let days, weeks or months pass before speaking up if something has upset you.. "

Namita Sinha, Success Coach

Sunday, 19 February 2017

To Be or Not To Be

                                     To Be or Not To Be
Hi folks ! Hope the weekend’s turning out to be just the way you had wanted it to be and at the risk of intruding at relatively wee hours ,considering it’s a Sunday and just about noon , I shall but make a ditch attempt to squeeze in this capsule of thought in your minds it lingers, because however best I tried to let it go…the  bug just kept hovering ever since I flipped through this morning’s papers. With due respect to the leading newspaper from the Times group which in spite of its fair share of criticisms continues to be a “a habitual can’t do without” read for me and definitely so on ‘The Lord’s Day’ ; today it has left me thinking deeply , - yes you got it right from the pictures above, - about ‘ the increasing ramifications of the new age Juggernaut WhatsApp ! '
So is it a mere coincidence or is there something strong brewing, behind so much coverage being given by the most popular Print Media to news relating to this Virtual all -pervading bit of an App which is less of a messaging platform as it appears now, and more of a powerful Social and Business networking innovation of the modern day ! As if the acquisition by Facebook was not enough to announce its prowess , this one news report above about a talented sportsperson feeling left out because of his exclusion by his colleagues in a Whatsappp group leaves me completely baffled , at how quickly the virtues and vices of the human instincts have been flawlessly captured by this piece of technology !
It’s indeed a true reflection and the quickest one at that – the quintessential portrait of all that we stand for today – the good, the bad and the ugly , too !
I shall admit it that I am no brains when it comes to Sports happenings and in all probability, I would never have bothered to even peep into the sports section of the daily , however the bold lines beginning with “Whatsapp exclusion…”, at first made me wonder whether mistakenly or as a new feature the editorial section has shifted to some other pages , after all how could something seemingly a comment on maybe a technology or social app figure elsewhere…, but as I looked carefully, it was not an article but a news report that too a verbatim from a famous sportsman of the most celebrated game of Cricket !And then there's another one educating about it's new features in the Technology Section !
I wonder, since when has the exclusion or for that matter inclusion , from / in a Whatsapp group started impacting sports persons and the likes to the extent of irking them or pleasing them… ?
And that has pretty much been the end of my Sunday and the beginning of a chain of thoughts and insights as to where all this is leading to…and where all this is coming from !
I remember when not too far in the distant past ..maybe only a year or two back ..whatsapp was seen as the trivial pastime for the idle ones, and the serious ones have taken their own time to embrace it ….
Not intending to now dwell into educating my readers about what all this platform is capable of doing, in terms of messaging ; communication, caring and sharing; since all of you must already be advanced level users , I shall still confess and admit to steer clear my own conscience that yes, I myself am a part of not less that 25 whatsapp groups , yes I am and though not the enviable admin yet, but a spectator and participant to the happenings, definitely I am and that’s 24 by 7 !
Every small or big project that I take up nowadays, starts with a Whatsapp group to initiate updates and discussions ! Most often, my days begin with some lovely exchange with like mindeds in these groups and entire day I need to ensure the batteries of the smartphone are charged enough ! There are better and worse applications and implications., and much more going on…we know and let’s keep that for later !
A clear advantage that Whatsapp has over others is without a doubt the fact that it started with, being a phone messaging app and has ever since remained as close to us as our inseparable mobile phones ! Infact there are very interesting Status Display Messages on many people’s phone numbers ,further reinforcing it being the preferred mode of communication for many, like “Hey there ! I am using Whatsapp”.. and the other one where they mention, “Can’t talk , Whatsapp only “ !
And so though I still have many in my network who proudly say that they prefer to be out of the Facebook race , the fact that they announce it through Whatsapp message talks about where they prefer to be running instead …
We can still heave a sigh of relief by acknowledging that all of it is still largely voluntary and not forced , that we can still keep ourselves excluded from groups we don’t want to be seen in , and make the best of where we wish to be appreciated, - we can indeed, atleast till it doesn’t figure in any “Inclusion” agenda of the responsible law of the land ! However, the piece of news above surprisingly from the sports arena this time, is a clear picture of what levels its influence stands today !
The very fact that it’s not a part of the black and white in deeds and contracts of organisations and businesses at one instance makes us believe it’s not after all a mandatory compliance, but with no clear rules of its usage, this may turn out to be just a false consolation, in fact this leaves enough room for the subtle and indirect albeit more deadly instances of one controlling the other ,or as they say another level of trolling and bullying , not to miss out the more evident happenings of privacy invasion and security compromise etc..
Being a close watcher of the happenings in the personal development industry , at one end though I clearly see counselling and coaching and trainings coming up to counter the attack, at the other end I see very effective use of this platform to further Business and Creative Agendas …
We are all human, and essentially that’s the reason our Apps too are getting more and more human..Does that really work in our favour !
However frivolous it may be to be a part of a whatsapp group and to keep tickling the funny bone making fun and laughing at the creative forwards, it may turn out to be a serious let down if you are not a part of one !
And is it really a choice any more .. ?
“To be or Not to Be “…, is the interesting question for many ! 
Thankyou for reading my post and I look forward to your comments !